The greatest news ever

Let me preface this post by saying that I have never worked.  Oh, I've held jobs before.  Paper boy, banquet bartender (it was like Wedding Crashers every week), and unfortunately a short stint as a chaperone at a daycare.  These "jobs" took time out of my day and I earned a steady paycheck.  But I've never sat at a desk, I have yet to have my own office, and God forbid I am ever enclosed by a cubicle.  I figure that I'll have plenty of work drudgery to look forward to in the following 40 years of my life, so why start now?

But I fear not.  Why you may ask?  No, I haven't won the lottery or inherited an estate.  I just read  this fascinating article about workplace productivity.  I have dreamed for years now that I could be watching the Evolution of Dance and be on a conference call at the same time.  While that may be a bit of an exaggerated example, take a look at the facts.  

Workers who 'surf the Internet for fun at work-within a reasonable time limit of less than 20 percent of their total time in office-are more productive by about 9 percent'

You can't see me now, but right now I'm smiling ear-to-ear AND doing the robot.  I don't know what's more incredible; the 9 percent increase in productivity or that 20 percent of time spent on the Internet is somehow considered "reasonable".  Think about that for a second.  With a 40 hour work week that's 8 hours a week and roughly 400 hours a year.  With that kind of time I could:

• Watch "Charlie bit my finger" 24,000 times.
• Read every Fail Blog entry three times over.
• Learn every quote from every single Adam Sandler Movie ever made by heart.
• Become a World of Warcraft master a la Leeroy Jenkins

The possibilities are limitless.  Leave it up to the Aussies to promote workplace le-

isure over exerting actual effort.  These are the same people who brought us Outback Steakhouse, Foster's Beer, and, of course, Crocodile Dundee.  

While I can almost guarantee that bosses all over America will never adopt this form of leisure based management.  It makes me happy that when I get caught creeping on Facebook at work I'll have an excuse.  As long as I can still search for this article.